My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
