hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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