I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
