Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
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Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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