I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
