I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
