i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
