Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
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