You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
