i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
