Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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