I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
