i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
