I'm laying in your front yard are you home
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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