but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
