also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she told me i tasted like america
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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