and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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