nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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