So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We just shotgunned beers for America
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
