I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We are all done wearing pants today
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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