dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
