I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
