dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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