everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
