He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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