Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
