My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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