The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
