I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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