I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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