ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
