Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
