My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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