I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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