Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
