dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
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