i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
