He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
