just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
