The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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