y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
false alarm, still single
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