i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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