He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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