What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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