Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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