you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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