He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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