Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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