epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
