They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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