i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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