She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
