After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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