Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
