is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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