You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
