I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
