Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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