I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
