I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Floor bacon is actually really good
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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