Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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