Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
