I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You are a genius and a whore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
