Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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