I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she told me i tasted like america
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
