These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
