Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
