new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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