OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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