imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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