I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
