God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just sent this text using only my big toe
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
