K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
