My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize