When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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