so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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