Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
