I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
