It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
