The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
